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There are many people that have many expectations, but listening to the person who sold us the war in Iraq damn sure was something I didn't expect. Simply amazing.� One of the reasons during the primary I always realized was the fact that some people choose to ignore the facts to be able to hang on to there beliefs.� They choose to forget the reason we went into Iraq had nothing to do with Sept 11th, that was just the media spin to help Barack Obama.� I remember like it was yesterday watching Colin Powell brief the UN with aerial photo's of facilities that were "suppose" to have WMD's.� Despite the fact that the UN inspectors they sent in found nothing.� But he sold it lock, stock and barrell because we as a whole were still reeling from that horrible day. Emotions were high and everyone wanted someone to pay. People tend to forget that Sadaam Hussein was put on trial because of his actions years ago to his killing his own people.

Not because of anything that had to do with Sept 11th.� Everything is done in a way and told in a way by the media to give the American people a allusion were they make there decisions based on not the truth, but there pereception, and it works for Barack Obama.� They destroyed Senator Clinton about her vote for Iraq, but the man who sold it to the entire country and the UN, got a free ride. HE was the one who stood up there with false information that they used to make a uniformed decision as a whole.� She paid the price for her vote during the primaries from Obama supporters.� But what did he do? He picks a VP who made the same exact decision.� And now, an endorsement from the man who gave it to us.� I read that he consults Colin Powell and all I can say is that God help us if he decides to sell us something else.

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It was 28F this morning.

I looked out and the birdbath was frozen over.

In five minutes, I watched three birds and a squirrel try to drink out of it.

You all can see this coming, canapos;t you?

So I bundle up in my dadapos;s old hunting shirt and take my little pink bucket of warm water out, break the ice, and add warm water to the bird bath.�

I go in and back to the window and already the squirrel is back and drinking and one of the birds quickly joins him.

So, really, how insane does this make me?

I HAVE to get the heated birdbath up this week....
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Notes from the constant running log of the Circumgyratory Spooling Noticulator-MK2 in attractive black. The quality of the penmanship, and thus the pen used in question, are both high. All running log entries in the noticulator start with a date and then entered one per ruled line by number and time.

Had a multi-hour meeting with the Man, the Myth and the Legend. Survived unscathed No finger breaking No stabbings

Actually, it was a highly productive meeting.

This weekend, I trade in the crutches for a cane. Then instead of looking foolish and pathetic, I will look sophisticated and urban. Behold, my cane. Is it not cane-like? I have gravitas because I have a cane. Get off my lawn, younguns or I will bomp you with my cane

Also this weekend I shall replace my undead fern with a live fern, this time with a better fern-keeping-alive strategy, perhaps involving these odd military people who bring me tea. Can they bring me tea and water a fern? All I have are fern-keeping-alive tactics. I have no overarching fern-keeping-alive strategy

In the Begma Intelligencer this morning, a man in the Lexington Outer Borough of Begma City, Begma was caught after breaking into a house, stealing money, inexplicably rubbing one resident with chili spices, bopping the other over the head with a sausage and fleeing out the window. I am beginning to worry about the sanity of the editorial board of the Begma Intelligencer.

This morningapos;s Amber City News Times Post Daily Crossword Theme: What is in Dworkinapos;s Pockets?
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*rubs head* These past couple days have been hell, but mostly just because of little things here and there.

Like not getting enough sleep and having to work when I usally have a day off. And Iapos;ve been told weapos;re completely booked this weekend so long, hard days are ahead.

Then things that just make me twich and give me a headache. Like I was out shopping with someone from my pledge class to get food for our event weapos;re putting on this Saturday. It was somewhat fun - but sometimes she had trouble listening to me when I tried to explain things. So when - SHOCK We spent more money than she thought it made me twich how surprised she was when I had tried so hard to tell her that.

Then we decided to get dinner and while at dinner I got a call from a classmate that I use to work in a group with. She wanted to know if we could give up our time with the camera we signed out on Saturday because THEIR group wanted it. I tried to think of a way that we both could use it - but she needed it for the excat same hours that we did. So I appologiesed and said that we really needed it then.

But she wouldnapos;t let it drop. Talking about how it wasnapos;t her fault her interview person couldnapos;t get back to her faster and how it wasnapos;t fair because we had the camera signed out later on in the week. I explained but that time would be a less important day and if she had asked for it then we probably could have given it to her then - but this weekend was an important shoot for us.

She repeated saying that it still wasnapos;t fair and that she was just going to half to talk to the teacher about what to do. And mentioned once again that we should really give up the camera because they would have signed it out if we hadnapos;t already... Or some retarted excuse like that. So I started to get pissed off as she was trying to guilt me. So I kinda snapped that I was sorry that we planned ahead and signed the camera out because weapos;ve been working on our project so long. I think she could tell I wasnapos;t impressed and Iapos;m sure she thinks Iapos;m a bitch now, but she quickly ended the call after that.

Then I went to my anime club. That was kinda fun because instead of watching Berserk like normal we ended up showing off some of our AMVs. Although there was this one kid there that kept showing Naruto manga scans and they were all 8mins long and boring for everyone but him. Because the three other people (plus me) who were there hadnapos;t read that far and were being spolied or just didnapos;t give a damn. We tried to explain that but he just couldnapos;t get it through his thick skull.

But then when I came home I found that it might be the last time I would show some of those AMVs as two were removed. My Kenshinapos;s Scar AMV and my Kenshinapos;s Dancing with the Devil AMV. The scars one I wasnapos;t too worried over; however, the other using Breaking Benjamin song did. As that was one of my better videos - not to mention a LOT of my videos uses Breaking Benjamin so half my good AMVs may be removed shortly.

So I stayed up late to remove all song refrence from my AMVs. And now I must run to work. Because I still donapos;t get a day off.

I really wish I could just hide under the bed for a few days.
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So its weird how a single person can make you feel so completely different about life and the way you look at things. I mean my thoughts and issues are still alive but they have been slowly leaving my thoughts. Its interesting. I met this guy that i coincidentally had a thing for about 6 years ago and now were together and it just seems so perfect. Well not perfect but just right for me. He has made me feel so much more comfortable about me and my body more then i have ever been before in my life. I hope that things continue to go like this. I am holding up a guard to an extent and it kind of sucks. Its not so much that its making things akward but i will just have to see how things go. AND ON A SIDE NOTE.. FUCK THE PHILLIES this sucks. La needs to be in the world series. But besides all that im doing well.. Im looking back on my entries. And its been nothing but my dark and stupid thoughts that dwell inside my brain and eat me up completely. Its weird not feeling that way 100 anymore. Its good tho. For sure. Cause i dont know what would be the case if i was still on this path of self starvation and mental abuse i put myself through. I hope that im able to get through all this. But there i go talking about it all again. Even though its on a positive note i have more cool things to discuss. I have a great job at a kindercare. And its awesome the people there are nice. Real people, sometimes bitchy but hey what do you expect out of working with nothing but women. But yeah im happy. For once in a really long time. Got rid of a friend that wasnapos;t doing anything but pulling me into my unhealthy lifestyle. So it feels good to have just positive people in my life. Well ill talk more later maybe. I always forget about lj cause no one goes on it anymore. Well peace till then :D
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So haha, iapos;m a liar and havenapos;t been writing at all since my big comeback...or small comeback.

BUT i remain very busy and also

Iapos;M GOING TO FUCKING ITALY BITCHES.

omg i still canapos;t get over it. 22 people applied and only 15 got in. Somehow i miraculously made it in that group. I still donapos;t know how that happened cause lord knows i didnapos;t have the best portfolio and like, i donapos;t talk much in class so they donapos;t have anything else to go by. BUT WHATEVER.

Iapos;m off to go sleep even tho iapos;m excited enough to pee my pants.

ps: iapos;m running out of clothes because laundry is no longer a priority and iapos;m current;y wearing a rainbow tie dye shirt and black and white cheetah print leggings. Omg you wish you could be me.

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I have anouther Doctorapos;s appointment today.� 5.10 donapos;t forget.

Itapos;s a waste of time I donapos;t want to go.

The effort of pretending to be happy is wearing me down. Iapos;m being apos;happyapos; at home though at least I can stop my mum from worrying even if itapos;s only a little bit.

Iapos;m already worried about exams. Weirdo. On one hand I feel like they are aaaaaaaages away and then itapos;s like but we havnapos;t learnt very much. I feel like im sinking in every subject , exept geography.

School non-uniform day is on thursday and I would try and stay off but my english personal study is then and I canapos;t miss it or... I donapos;t know� I just canapos;t miss it�I donapos;t want to go to school though Iapos;m sooooooo fat and I have no clothes All my clothes make me look even fatter than I already am�I spend all my time wearing joggers because at least they are confertable and I donapos;t feel my fat under the waist band.

Iapos;ve had a headache every day but I havnapos;t taken anything for it. Iapos;m getting used to the dull ache forever present in the back of my head. It gives me a reason to procrastinate and do no work. I deserve to feel pain all the time. Every morning when I wake up I go dizzy and this morning I nearly blacked out and for a minute it was all I could think about and I liked that feeling of almost empty thoughts.

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A silly conversation happened yesterday when I asked Marianne the question is it possible to conscientiously object to a plot?

We came up with the fact that yes it probably is, but that isnapos;t my style. I am apparantly a plot freedom fighter.

We have identified 3 types of inhabitants of plotland

Plot Loyalist- You will play any plot no matter what and it is all good.

Plot Conscientious objecter- You will avoid a particular plot as you find it boring, pointless, offensive whatever. The key point being that you wonapos;t play in for a strong reason.

Plot freedom fighter- In the the event of discovering a plot or particular incident in a plotline you object to, doesnapos;t gell with you or in short feels wrong. You will attack said plot until it is either destroyed or more palatable.
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Dear diary.

Giving in.
Slowly forgetting my surroundings, past, future and present...
I am withdrawing and itapos;s getting serious, I donapos;t leave me house anymore except for work, I�canapos;t even shop.

So ugly.
So wrong.
so shameful.

Itapos;s true, I�donapos;t think I�like myself. I�do, but I�donapos;t itapos;s so hard to explain.
Feeling are just feelings right, then why must I tuck myself away like this, I�am so ashamed of myself.

Failure.

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